Red

It's 3:58 AM in the morning and the thought of it just crossed my mind. Again.

I'm in denial. A huge one. And I cannot help not to feel hopeless. It's like standing on the edge of a cliff, waiting for that one wind blow to blow me off of the top. The fall must have hurt. A lot.

I only have 2 options. Stay still and wait for the wind, or... Runaway. 

That is the hardest part. You may think that running away is as easy as flipping a coin, but you're dead wrong. Running away from something you long, running away from something that's in front of you, running away from something you love the most, is never easy.

But running away is the best option. Even though it's hard, even though it's painful, the fall must have hurt a lot more that running away.

Call me a coward, call me anything you want, but I'm not gonna fall twice. Something's got to change. I don't want to live that way anymore.

Dear God, just this time, let me run away. 

And never come back

unless it asks me to